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‘See that tree over there? I want you to tell me what species it is and how many board feet of lumber it contains.’The Newfie promptly answers, ‘Dat dere’s a Sitka Spruce and she got 383 board feet a’ lumber in ‘ER.’The foreman is impressed. He puts the truck in motion and stops again about a mile down the road. He points at another tree through the passenger door window and asks the same question. This time, it’s a bigger tree and of a different class.‘Lord tunderin’! Dat’s yer Douglas Fir and she got 690 board feet.’ says the Newfie. Now the foreman is really impressed. The Newfie has answered quickly and got the answers right without even using a calculator!One more test. They drive a little farther down the road, and the foreman stops again. This time, he points across the road through his driver side window.‘And what about that one?’Before the foreman finishes pointing, the Newfie says, ‘A Yeller Cedar, 242 board feet at most.’The foreman spins the truck around and heads back to. So, here’s my offer to you, and it’s literally one that you can’t refuse. I own you now. I claim you. You’re my property now and I will do to you what seems right to me. Starting with this,” I told a terrified Daryl as his clothes ripped off his flesh and left ink marking him as mine on his skin.“Not bad for a man your age, hard to believe as that is. You haven’t gone to seed at least, which is good, because we won’t have need for your seed much, if at all. Now that I own you, I’m adjusting your organs just right to guarantee erectile dysfunction. Impotence to a layman like you. Until further notice, such as when it suits or pleases me, you’re clearly impotent, as sexually useless with your cock as any eunuch. Don’t worry, the rest of your body still works, so you won’t be devoid of all physical intimacy,” I announced as I indeed tweaked Daryl’s body to make him impotent.Aunt Tessa laughed right then, making Daryl beet-red with embarrassment, humiliation, and rage. He clearly didn’t.
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